Tonight the stars shine brighter. The wind makes my hair look tousled and sexy. Every single conversation I have is interesting and witty. Tonight I’m the life of the party and the most exciting person on earth.
It makes me feel awful. But I’m glowing. All because you are here. You chose to turn up tonight. I don’t care that you brought someone with you. I don’t care that you’ll leave with her and probably be with her tonight. All that I care about really is that you are here.
It is hours later. You’ve left and so have a lot of others. I’m in a drunken haze. I didn’t intend to get into such a state, but here I am. I see you walking straight to me. I think I’m hallucinating as you clasp my hand in yours and lead me out the door. You stop a cab and take me home; tuck me in my bed just like you used to, and get me some water to drink before you leave. I slip into a dreamless sleep wishing all the same that I could dream of you.
It is another night, another party at a club someplace; just a bunch of us girls hanging out. We’re having a great time; guys sending free drinks over. I swear I planned to leave with the girls, but I’m tempted and decide to stay longer by myself.
It’s been long since I’ve been out. The evening is balmy and I feel good in my short red dress and bold red lipstick that you said you loved kissing off of me.
It is hours later. Patrons at the club are finishing their last drink. I’m in a drunken haze. This time I planned it. I see you walking straight to me. I fall into you so you’re forced to drape your arms around me. You carry me out and set me on my feet before you follow me into the cab that’s pulled over for us.
I slide onto your lap and put my arms around your neck. Please, I say as you start to put me back onto the seat. You let me stay, I cheer. I lean my head and nuzzle your neck. Behave, you say and I still; happy to be sitting there just like we used to, my legs stretched out across the length of the seat. Just that this time I don’t feel your hands drawing patterns on my ankles. Just that this time you are looking straight ahead, waiting to get this over with.
You switch on the lights in my room and feed me some water. You help me change into my bedclothes, careful not to touch me any more than absolutely required. You wrap my blankie around me just the way I like it and brush my hair off my face. Our eyes meet briefly as you are at the door. Until the next drunken night, my love, I say as you switch off the light and walk out the door.