We Were All Lying

It’s easier to cheat that to be cheated on, at least that’s what I thought. He’s Sunny’s friend. Well more like a friend of a friend. And Sunny hates him! He wears those flowery shirts that make you think he’s lounging beachside in Goa rather than at the pubs we all frequent every weekend. Maybe those flowery shirts are something Sunny hates. I wouldn’t know. And Sunny isn’t likely to tell me.

Sunny doesn’t like the chains that he'd never seen without. I don’t either. I couldn't look away as he held my eye tethered to his, the first time we met. I had to because Ree kept calling out to me in her supposedly cutesy but decidedly annoying voice. “Who’s that? Do you know?”, she asked. “I’d know if you wouldn’t keep calling my name!” I muttered, my voice prickly. I added, “He’ll be perfect for you Ree. Let me try and find more about him”. Her face broke into that dazzling smile that had everyone floored.

When I turn to look at him, he’s talking to someone and I can’t quite catch his eye the rest of the evening.

Sunny is my boyfriend by the way. We’ve been together for almost 6 months now. That’s all there is to tell really. Oh, and that Sunny and Ree have been trading spit and a lot of other bodily fluids for a few months now. Obviously, they don’t know I know.

You might wonder why I’m doing nothing about it. I wonder about it too. When Sunny tells me he loves me just before he kisses me. When Ree tells me Sunny and I are perfect together. When I’m drifting off to sleep. In the shower. When I see them make the obvious act of being uninterested in each other. I wonder why I don’t walk away. Is it because I don’t want to? Am I scared of being alone? I fantasise about confronting them both and anticipate their reaction.

I don’t do it, though. It is easier not to.

**

“So, his name is Varun. He’s new in town. Was in Canada and he’s done with studying – engineering - I think? Anyway, not important.  He’s Virat’s friend? You know Virat right? Sunny’s friend we’d met in Goa? Anyway, he’s going to be at Toit this Friday and we’ll all hanging out ”. Ree squealed at all the info I gave her.  “Oh, wow Arshya! I’m impressed. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for this! And you sound so cheerful too! I’m so happy”

**

It’s 2 am on Friday (Saturday?) and I’m browsing Netflix, after giving up on trying to sleep. A WhatsApp ping has my attention. 

“You looked wonderful tonight”, the message reads.

My finger is set to click on the block button when instead I go to Truecaller. My heart leaps as I see the name that pops on the screen ‘Varun Sidhwani’.

Whrz Reena, I ask.  

Varun responds with a GIF of a person falling asleep and it reads ‘BORING’ which makes me chuckle.

“Drive?”

“Y?” I ask even though I want to say yes immediately.

I grip the phone intensely waiting for his reply. But the screen is blank. There are no 3 cursory dots either.

After a few minutes I reply, ‘K’.

“I’m here”, comes the response.

I’m itching to ask how he knows where I live. And my phone number! But I don’t because I don’t want to seem too eager.

Hi, I say, getting in.

His smile makes my heart stop. He has a sexy dimple I haven’t seen before. Probably because this is the first time I’ve seen him smile.

We drive around for a while and reach a secluded area. It’s a kuchcha road and I’ve no idea where we are. He leans over to kiss me, sliding his hands behind my neck. Such a cliché, I think, even as I kiss him back. Soon he’s pulling me to his lap. There’s a fumble of clothing, a struggle as I try to get comfortable. I feel awkward, but as his fingers touch my skin, I feel luxurious and my skin feels like silk “I’m way too sensitive on my back” I say and he responds by gliding his fingers on my back like he’s making art. My body arches closer to him. He slides into me, and a minute later, the deed is done. “That was so good”, he says even as I’m thinking “What will it take for me to orgasm. Fuck, I thought I was so close this time”. I smile back at him and say “The best” and manoeuvre myself back to the passenger seat.

**

I wake up the next morning groggy and wonder what in the World woke me up. Oh! The. Phone. Is. Ringing. “Heyyyy! Last night was fab! Varun is like… I can’t tell you. Like wow!” “Hey Ree. That’s awesome”, I respond, trying to get my bearing.  “I’m still sleeping. I’ll call you later ok… I want to hear all about it”.

**

The next time he pings, I recognise the booty call for what it is.

“Are you here?” I type.

“Yup” he’s quick to reply.

I get into the car and I don’t know what comes over me but I blurt. “I don’t orgasm. Never.”

“Well, we’ll have to work on that”, he says.

And work he does, and I really, really appreciate his diligence and dedication to my pleasure.  

 Our trysts continue for almost a month, no orgasm yet, but I feel I’m getting closer.

Except Sunny somehow finds out about Varun and me. I look at him as he’s screaming murder. He’s across from me, in the living room at my place and I feel as though he’s on mute. I almost laugh because it feels comical to me. My life in mute, I think. And I’m just sitting there on the sofa. At one point, I’m pretty sure he’s going to hit me, but then he just turns around and leaves.

My roommate comes back later at night and yelps as she turns on the light. “You scared me! Are you fucking ok?”, she asks. “Yes. Yes. I think so.”, I respond and go to my room.

I see multiple calls on my phone from Ree, but I choose to not call back. I see her message on WhatsApp “WTF”.

There are no calls or messages from Varun. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.

**

This piece is born out of my participation in the Bangalore Writers Workshop in 2021. I loved the writing and feedback sessions, and cherish the camaraderie and conversations with my brilliant course mates and the powerhouse of a facilitator Bhumika Anand. I learned a ton of storytelling, narration and the power of a story, and I will be forever grateful for the experience.